Limbo

Within one week, I've managed to destroy everything important in my life. My uncontrollable rage has left me physically and emotionally scarred. My relationship with my mother and my husband is damaged. I am not sure if they can be fixed. All I know is that I feel very hopeless and alone right now. My husband is on vacation visiting his family some 3,000 plus miles away while I am here in the depths of depression. He is in equal pain or so he says. I just can't sense that with the stone cold tone in his voice. I don't know if this is the end. Maybe this is grief or pain or whatever it is they call it. Language always falls short of describing this type of misery. But I want to numb it. I want to be lobotomize so I can have dissociative amnesia. That way I won't have to remember or relive all the painful memories all over again. He will return home to a broken home...literally...I have torn to shreds all of our pictures and broken things that would remind me of us. I am left wondering if I can pick up the pieces of my life and put it back together again. Everything is such a mess...