The Culture Clash: Wedding Etiquette

Planning a wedding is definitely stressful. And as the times change and weddings evolve, traditional rules of etiquette have followed suit, but only to add to the confusion. It's even worse when you have two sets of wedding etiquettes to follow. I'm trying to find the right balance and choose what works best for each guests. After all, it is about treating people with courtesy and making them feel comfortable. However, the cultural clash between what American and Cambodian customs dictate does create some stressful dilemmas. Here are just a few examples.

1. RSVP

American: Yes, required for obvious reasons.

Cambodian: No. My parents' guest and my FI's family and their friends are not required to RSVP. This is according to Cambodian wedding etiquette. Guests can also bring guests without informing the couple. It presents a BIG problem because I have to give guessimates to my venue and caterer. I will also have to make extra favors. This is why most Asian weddings are HUGE. It' s not very budget friendly as all these things will definitely incur additional costs. There are a few things you can do to make this matter less stressful.

- Ask the venue/caterer to arrange extra table and food for 10-20 more guests. However, make sure you are not going over your venue capacity. Work closely with your caterer and see if they can offer lower plate rates for guests that don't show up.
- Ask the parental units to invite close friends and get a head count for each family member that is attending.


2. Seating chart / Escort Cards

American: Yes, required for the guests that RSVP

Cambodian: No, it is not proper wedding etiquette to assign seats to guests. Cambodian weddings serve as a social function for guests to mingle freely. People tend to seat themselves with their friends. This sounds like chaos to me but somehow it works at Cambodian weddings. I will have escort cards in place for our guests that RSVP and for our immediate family.


3. Programs

American: Not required but for formal or elaborate affairs it is highly recommended.

Cambodian: No, the traditional ceremonies are familiarized by the guests but the younger generation or non-Cambodian guest might not know what the heck is going on because these ceremonies are so long and complex. I will print out programs for some of my guests to inform them of the different traditional ceremonies. I'm going to print out a separate time line for vendors and my wedding party to make sure we are all on schedule.


4. Postage Stamps on Invites

American: Yes, definitely required to send out invitation

Cambodian: No, custom dictates that the engaged couple and their parents must personally invite the guests by going to their home. The exception to this is if they are out of state or international. In that case a postage stamp is needed but a formal phone call must be made too. I will be saving on postage stamps but this is no big deal. I don't mind giving guests invitations in person. I'd like to host a dinner party or meet up with friends and hand them out.


5. Adult Only Reception

American: Yes, included on invite with carefully chosen words

Cambodian: Absolutely NOT! I suggested this to my parents and they were horrified. I want to have my nieces and my little cousins present but I can't include the children in my family and exclude my guest's children. So I can only hope that my wedding won't be run amok with little rascals. I've been to a few Cambodian weddings where the children are high on sugar and they are running around everywhere!